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Sermon Index

Love Stories

by the Reverend Phyllis L. Hubbell
at the First Unitarian Church of Baltimore
on the 13th of February 2000
Founders Day

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Dorian Deans cover art on our order of worship expresses that first flush of love, when we would run, swim, or ride a horse faster than anyone in the world in order to give our love to the person who claims our devotion. But love sometimes eludes us for all our lives. Or we discover it only to have it disappear. When our loved ones die, love tears our hearts. Still, sometimes even long-time lovers like myself (now married just one week short of 92 months) recapture those intense feelings, too. Most of the time, love is an invisible blanket that hugs our shoulders as we wander through the surprises of our lives.

In honor of the occasion, I want to share with you some real life love stories. I begin with the cartoon For Better or Worse in todays Baltimore Sun. For those of you who dont know the cartoon, it follows the life of one family. A few years ago, one of the grandmothers in the family died. Recently, grandfather has come to live with them. Todays strip shows April, the youngest, watching her mother staring at pictures she has pulled out of an old photograph album. "Why are you taking pictures of grandma out of the photo albums, mom?" April asks. "Its Valentines day tomorrow, Aprilso I thought Id make a nice dinner for us and your grandpa. And I wanted to put some of our favorite pictures of her in the dining room."

"Wont that make him sad?"

"A little, maybe. But just because someones gone doesnt mean that you stop loving or remembering them on special occasions. And when we look at their photographs, we give them a hug with our hearts...because we cant give them a hug for real!"

In the last frame, April throws her arms around her mother and gives her a "for real" hug.

That story of mature love leads right into this wonderful true story in Robert Fulghums book, True Love: Stories (Harper, 1998):

It was over four years ago that I invited my mother for a visit (she loved to travel) knowing that my 83-year-old father would no longer agree to travel anywhere [S]he declined kindly, saying "No, he would never leave me."

It was only a few months later when my mother was devastated by a severe stroke, leaving her paralyzed, unable to speak, not responsive to our questions, but usually aware of my sisters and my visits and most especially of my Dad [S]he is unable to in any way care for herself and has been in a nursing home ever since the stroke.

And so has my fathernot as a resident there, but as a daily, without fail, visitor. Most of every day he is therefeeding her, massaging her wasted muscles, reading to her, telling her of any news from distant friends and family, giving her back rubs, singing little songs, showing her family photo albums, watching over her in every way he can to help her be more comfortable.

My Dad is 88 now and he has become a legend in the nursing home because of his devotion. He has been with my mother every day since that terrible eveningthe night of their 59th wedding anniversary She knows (you can tell from the way she looks at him) that he would never leave heras she wasnt willing to leave him either, even for a short family visit.

Love strikes when were ready and sometimes when were not. The Washington Posts Donna Britt (February 10) reports on TaRessa and Calvin Stovalls new book A Love Supreme: Real-Life Stories of Black Love (Warner, 2000), which tells, among others, the story of Johnnetta Cole and Art Robinson. Eight-year-old Johnnetta and Art were inseparable. When Johnnetta and her family moved out of state, Art "fell to his knees in the street and sobbed." Forty years later, he discovered that his long-ago playmate had been named president of Spelman College. He contacted her to congratulate her. One call led to another. Now theyre married.

At the opposite extreme is the story of Ann Getz who had never found the "right" man, never married. After 56 years of separation, her high-school sweetheart, Jack Foster, contacted her after his wife died. All those years, she had kept the poetry he had written her in high school. Now they talked on the phone and wrote letters. At age 80, Ann Getz married Jack Foster. She was a lovely bride. They shared two wonderful years together before he died suddenly.

TaRessa Stovall herself never wanted to get married. Her parents had a bad marriage. She was not interested in repeating their mistakes. But in April, 1989, she and Calvin Stovall got engaged. They thought a house was more essential than an engagement ring. Since money was tight, they went with the house. Eleven years later, she told the Washington Post that Calvin had just given her a "gorgeous" pair of diamond earrings, "one for each child." She was so touched by the earrings that Calvin ran out of the room and returned with what he had intended to be her Valentines day present, a diamond engagement ring.

"I look at this gift spiritually" and as a symbol of their 11-year-miracle, she explained. "And I thank the universe for this man and his amazing love."

Katie Gerstle had decided after graduating from college that it was time to look for a nice Jewish boy. It was time to settle down, make her parents happy, live the good life. And she did fall in love. "[H]ard, crazily, head over heels, unable to do anything but think about how in love I was The only problem was that my new love was a woman."

Both women had had other relationships with women, but had sworn off them. Why make life hard for themselves? And their life together has indeed sometimes been hard. Someone painted the windshield of their car with the words, "We kill homosexuals and well get you too." Katie says she sometimes has to struggle with her own homophobia.

But they are best friends as well as lovers. Theyve been through medical school together, comforted one another when family members died, become parents. Katie concludes, "In choosing Jill over waiting for that nice Jewish boy, I chose love over safety and societal acceptance. And its the best choice Ive ever made."

African American preacher and biblical scholar Renita Weems figured prominently in my sermon on prayer last month. She also writes about falling in love. Both Renita Weems and her husband had been in love before. Always with the right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time. Now, finally, they discovered in one another the right person at the right time.

Both were ministers. They knew the wedding vows intimately. At 37, Weems decided that she was too old to pledge to honor and obey anyone. She certainly couldnt imagine her father giving her away. So they wrote their own vows. Vows they felt they could keep.

Hah! Within months, theyd broken their vows a hundred times. She writes:

If our hearts could speak, theyd confess that weve walked away from each other untold times. Weve failed to honor each other with the names weve called each other to each others face and behind each others back; cursed each other for not recording checks; felt revulsion for each others bodily sicknesses and have gone off in our minds and married, bought homes, and had children with others fitter and finer than the one were wedded toall of this we have done millions of times.

And weve returned to each other again and again, remarkably, mysteriously, wondrously, begging each others forgiveness, sheepishly, desperately, earnestly, disremembering what it was that drove us away, pledging again to talk before giving in to the urge to walk away.

We keep coming back to each other. To keep a vow is not to keep from breaking it but to keep trying to discover its meaning.

Love is a gift of the universe. Like most of the bounty of the universe, it is distributed unevenly. It may come at the wrong time. It may arrive in what is clearly the wrong person. It may never come at all.

But when the right person and the right time coincide, we must be ready. Sometimes I ask the couples I wed why they choose a minister, why they choose to be married in a church, indeed, why do they choose to be married at all? Why not just live together? After all, they will probably pay more taxes as a result of their decision to wed.

Many dont really have an answer. It feels right. Thats what their families and communities expect. But my answer is this. As natural as it is to fall in love, loving one another for a lifetimeliving together, cleaning and cooking, doing laundry and raising children, pursuing careers, and even choosing where to go on vacation togetherare not. Just as we find it difficult to live with one another on this planet, promising to live with one another for a lifetime is hard. Yet loving one anotherchoosing to love one anotheris a decidedly spiritual act. When are we more in need of getting in touch with something greater than ourselves, with that which is best in our own selves, than when we attempt to learn how to love?

John and I are the luckiest of couples. Though we, too, have broken our vows a thousand times, whenever we perform a marriage we are called again to remember the pledges we made to one another. For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for always. Even when were tired. Even when were cranky. Even when were insecure. Even when were sick. Even when were lazy. Even. Even. Even. We promised not to always insist on our own way. We promised not criticize each other. We promised to take time to laugh with one another. We promised Oh, the rash, foolish promises we made. We need all the help we can get. Reminders of the vows we made. Prayers for humility. A religious community that supports us in times of trouble. Forgiveness.

Love is a gift. When we find love, let us cherish it, nurture it, even if stays for all too brief a time. May we all love again this year, better and more wisely than last year. May love surround our lives. May our love surround others. Though weve broken our vows a thousand times, let us return to this place of forgiveness and hope, love and redemption.

Happy Valentines Day.