First Unitarian Church of Baltimore

Corner of Charles and Franklin Streets in Downtown Baltimore

Mailing address:
1 West Hamilton Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
P: 410-685-2330
Fax: 410-685-4133
Office E-mail

JUST SAY YES

by the Reverend Phyllis L. Hubbell
at the First Unitarian Church of Baltimore
on the 1^st of April 2001

One of my very favorite hymns in our hymn book is number 6, Just as Long as I Have Breath. Here is the first verse.

Just as long as I have breath,

I must answer, Yes, to life;

Though with pain I made my way,

Still with hope I meet each day.

If they ask what I did well,

Tell them I said, Yes, to life.

I want to tell you a story about saying yes to life. I dont know the author of the story. I got it on my e-mail. But it purports to be a true story about the great pianist, Paderewski.

Many years ago, a young boy was taking piano lessons. His mother wanted to reward him for his hard work, so she took him to a Paderewski concert. As they started to take their seats, the mother saw a friend. She left her son for just a minute to say hello. When she turned back, every mothers nightmare was realized. Her little boy was gone.

The lights dimmed just then. The curtains parted. There, to his mothers relief and horror, was her son, sitting at a concert Steinway grand piano. Somehow the boy had slipped away and wandered on stage, sat down, and begun to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. As the curtains opened wider, the notes faltered. The boy looked up and began to panic.

At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boys ear, Dont quit. Keep Playing. Then leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child and he added a running obligato.

The audience was mesmerized. The little boy was enraptured. The master had chosen life over pride, life over performance. Instead of leaving an embarrassing story that would have followed the little boy all his life, the two had created magic.

Now this story isnt obviously about choosing life. No one is dying. No one is thinking of suicide. But to me this story speaks volumes about that choice. Many of us go through life only half alive. We are faced every day with choices about how to live our lives. Will we choose the easy way, mindlessly, soullessly feeding our egosstuffing them full to burstingseeking ever more power, more sex partners, more acclaim, more money, more clothes, more electronic toys, eating more, drinking more, ever more everything? Or will we choose to live as part of a larger whole? Choosing to be present to all of life, not just to self? Will we choose to remain a part, but only part of an interdependent web of existencegiving, receiving, sharing? Occasionally, achieving that sense of being a sacred piece of the more than?

Too often, we read about stars who fill the opposite stereotype. People whose egos have gotten completely out of control. What they want, they get. When they want it. They want exotic foods, pampering. People seduce them with offers of sex and drugs. They trash their hotel rooms because they can do anything and get away with it. Money means nothing to them. And everything. From all we can tell, despite all this coddling, they are often unhappy, despairingly unhappy. They go through life in a daze. They live, but they are not fully alive.

Paderewski could have been like that. He was a world famous musician. A legend. If he had wanted to, he could have had people catering to his every whim. This concert was about him. It would end in rapturous applause, perhaps a standing ovation, just as all his concerts did. He probably wanted everything to be just right. The piano had to be tuned. Someone had to be there to turn the pages. The seat had to be at just the right height. He no doubt had been practicing for days. Suddenly, the spotlight was no longer on him.

Paderewski had choices. How tempted he may have felt to get a stagehand to gently lead the child off stage. He could have made some witty comment, and then gone on with the show. How tempting it may have been to make this incident about Paderewskis moment before the audience, his talent, his performance. Instead, Paderewskis performance suddenly became about character, about humanity. About giving a child a moment to remember, not a moment to live down. About encouraging a child to grow, to thrive, to live. About Paderewski living fully himself.

Something surges within us, calling us to live, calling us to support life. It is that something that gives us hope. It is that something that gives us courage. It often hides from us. Yet it remains waiting. Our challenge is to say yes, even when that spark is covered over. Our challenge is to keep the spark alive for others when only we can see its light.

Just as long as vision lasts,

I must answer, Yes, to truth;

In my dream and in my dark,

Always that elusive spark.

If they ask what I did well,

Tell them I said, Yes to truth.

This also appeared in our e-mail one day. It is originally from Sports Illustrated.

Like many gay men, Corey Johnson knew early on that his sexual feelings were different from those of most of his friends. He was attracted to other boys. He realized that he was what he had always heard as the ultimate put down, a sissy. He was so depressed his sophomore and junior years that his grades plummeted. He began skipping school. He began skipping football practice. When he heard an adult he thought of as a friend ripping gays at a Super Bowl party, he cringed. He knew he had to do something.

First he told a counselor, then a few teachers. A year later, he told his parents. They all supported him.

He was elected captain of his high school football team before word got out. At the beginning of his last year in high school, he gathered together the team and said he

had something big he wanted to tell the other players. I was so anxious, [he] remembers . . . I thought I was going to vomit. He took a hard gulp. I want to let all of you guys know something about me. He tried not to let his voice quake. Im coming out as an openly gay student here.

His teammates eyes and mouths went wide as soup plates. I hope this wont change anything, Corey quickly went on. I didnt come on to you last year in the locker room, and I wont this year. I didnt touch you last year in the locker room, and I wont this year.

Awkward silence.

Besides, who says you guys are good enough anyway?

And you know what happened? They laughed! But thats not the best part. The best part is what happened next. Nothing. Coreys teammates had no problem with his sexual orientation. His coach had no problem with it ... Okay, somebody scrawled FOOTBALL FAG on a door at school. True, one cementhead parent asked coach Jim Pugh to have the team take a new vote on the captaincy, but Pugh told him to stuff it. And, yeah, one week, the opposing teams captain kept hollering, Get the fag! but his coach finally benched him (and [Coreys team] fricasseed that team 25-0).

Saying yes to life isnt just about continuing to exist, not even just about celebrating life. Saying yes to life, choosing life, is about really living life. And we cant do that without integrity, without authenticity. Choosing life, choosing truth, sometimes means truth when it may hurt. Because living a lie crushes the spirit, crushes life.

Corey Johnson took a deep breath and changed the course of the rest of his life. He no longer needed to date girls held no attraction for him, maybe even face a marriage that could never fulfill him. He no longer needed to hide any meaningful relationship he might have.

Coreys courage also changed the lives of everyone on the football team who now knew someone they liked, someone they saw as a leader, someone strong, was a gay man. It would be the beginning for at least some of questioning the stereotypes they held since they were old enough to hear the word fag.

But Coreys words were not without cost. It must have hurt when someone wrote Football Fag on a school door. When the parents of one of his teammates tried to get the coach to hold another election for the job of captain of his team. Moreover, when he decided to speak those words he didnt know what the reaction would be. It could have been much worse. Corey took a big risk when he said those words out loud. Only it was a bigger risk to remain silent.

We each have times when we remain silent rather than saying yes to truth. To our truth. I am not urging you to go out and scream your truth in the ears of passersby. I do want us to acknowledge how often we are silent when our beliefs are unpopular. Even in here, where one of our first principles is the pursuit of truth as we know it. Perhaps I am for capital punishment, or against abortion, I am a Christian, or a Wiccan. But am I willing to mention this among my friends here in this bastion of liberal religion and often liberal politics?

Bur even more problematic is our response when someone makes a racist or homophobic or sexist comment. How often the moment comes for us to rise in defense of truth, and it takes us by surprise. We delay, and the moment is gone. The damage is done. We hear the cock crow and we have denied our truth.

It is bad enough when it is a question of disagreeing about religious beliefs or political beliefs, but when we stay silent in the face of bigotry, we are truly choosing death over life. Death over truth.

Just as long as my heart beats,

I must answer, Yes, to love,

Disappointment pierced me through,

Still I kept on loving you.

If they ask what I did best,

Tell them I said, Yes, to love.

This one also came to me via e-mail. I do not know the author.

Red roses were her favorites,

Her name was also Rose.

And every year her husband sent them.

Tied with pretty bows.

The year he died,

The roses were delivered to her door.

The card said, Be my Valentine,

Like all the years before. . . .

She trimmed the stems,

nd placed them in a very special vase.

Then, sat the vase

beside the portrait of his smiling face.

She would sit for hours,

In her husbands favorite chair,

While staring at his picture,

And the roses sitting there.

A year went by

And it was hard to live without her mate,

With loneliness and solitude,

That had become her fate.

Then, the very hour,

As on Valentines before,

The doorbell rang, and there were roses,

Sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in,

And then just looked at them in shock.

Then, went to get the telephone,

To call the florist shop.

The owner answered, and she asked him,

If he would explain, Why would someone do this to her,

Causing her so much pain?

I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,

The owner said, I knew youd call, and you would want to know.

The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.

Your husband always planned ahead,

e left nothing to chance.

There is a standing order,

hat I have on file down here,

And he has paid, well in advance,

Youll get them every year.

There is also another thing,

That I think you should know,

He wrote a special little card ... he did this years ago.

Then should ever I find out that hes no longer here,

Thats the card.... that should be sent,

To you the following year.

She thanked him and hung up the phone,

Her tears now flowing hard.

Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.

Then as she stared in total silence,

This is what he wrote...

Hello my love, I know its been a year

Since Ive been gone,

I hope it hasnt been too hard for you to overcome.

I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.

Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.

The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.

I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.

You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.

I know its only been a year, but please try not to grieve.

I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.

That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.

When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,

That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.

I have always loved you and I know I always will.

But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

Please...try to find happiness while living out your days. I know it is not easy,

But I hope you find some ways.

The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,

When your doors not answered, when the florist stops to knock.

He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.

But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt

To take the roses to the place, where Ive instructed him,

And place the roses where we are, together once again.

Say yes to love. It seems so obvious. It is a cliche. Yet choosing love, saying yes to love, is a choice we make every day of our lives, whether to a lover, a parent, a child. Saying Yes to love is not a choice we make once for all time. Even taking vows doesnt do it. Saying yes to love means minute by minute in our life making choices that grow love, that keep love alive.

There are the choices like this romantic husband made to plan ahead of time so that his loved one would have happiness in the midst of sorrow. No wonder she loved him. There are also the many times we are faced with making the choice of work or love, money or love, power or love, addictions or love. We wake up in the morning and can choose that the first thing we say is I love you or we can rush into the bathroom and shower and shave. We are tired and cranky after a long day. We have to choose each night whether to read a story to our child or make excuses one more time. We hate going to hospitals, but our mother is having an operation. We go or we find some work that must be done.

Life, truth, love. These three things belong together. The choices are all intertwined. How can there be love without truth, deep truth? If we do not reveal who we are to our loved ones, our relationships will be shallow, neither satisfying nor secure. There is an intimacy that comes with truth that binds us together. Without those ties, what is there to keep us close when problems come?

How can there be love without life? Life lived fully, lived being fully present to one another. When we choose to join our own lives to the life another, and even more to the life of the whole, we become more fully alive, more lovable, more loving.

How can there be life, life in all its glory, without love? We are somehow meant to be larger than ourselves. To reach out beyond the bounds of our bodies, to join with one another. To join with the universe.

How can there be lifelife in all its glorywithout truth? Something calls us to take risksto be authentic, to search for truth, to stand up and be counted. We cannot be fully alive when we live a lie. We cannot feel free, when we refuse to witness for the truth as we know it.

None of these things, done well, done deeply, done courageously, is easy. But, paradoxically, taking the easy way leads only to a kind of death. Life is not easy. But lived well, lived with integrity, lived with love, it is glorious.

Choose life. Choose truth. Choose love. Let our lives be full of risks, but let them be full of roses, too. Let us all say yes. Today, tomorrow, and tomorrow.